What I Believe In

Entry of a personal nature. Don't like personal rambles, don't read.
Moving on:
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Thinking to myself how easily a negative influence can cloud my brain. I'm one of those sponges that soaks up whatever I hear. It's true. Over the past few years I've had so much trouble trying to differentiate myself from what my mother thinks because I live with her; but over here at my brother's, I find I feel very free from that.
It's not like she's trying on purpose to depress me. She's just being realistic by telling me, constantly, what an awful place the world is. It just gets on my nerves, though.
On the one hand you've got my mom telling me, (and this is since childhood, mind you,) how evil a man can be and what they would do to my body given a chance. This terrifies and angers me, and makes me never want to leave home. On the other hand you've got my mom telling me I should find a good wholesome Christian man to date.
Right mom. After telling me most men are evil.
Yes.
This makes sense.
I still get this icky feeling in my stomach whenever I think about dating a man. No lie. Is it because of what she's told me, or a feeling I grew on my own?
Talking to her the other day on the phone, the way she reacted to the fact I bought a bike, you'd think she was expecting me to be gang-raped any day now on one of my rides. I realize that's a possibility. All the worst outcomes to the things I do every day have a chance to mess me up permenantly. It's not like I'm a stranger to the world's evils, though. Growing up, I knew my dad was into many drug-related and alcahol-related things, and we were always constantly finding out what he was doing and it broke my heart more times than I can say. In the end he died of a stroke at age 59 because of the crap he was doing.
So if you think about it, it's strange I have this view of the world. I still think it's mostly good, full of wonderful people and experiences. After what I've been through you wouldn't think I'd have this view, but then again it makes sense. I have to keep believing there's good in the world because I am depressed so easily. Yeah I'm a happy person, but only because I'm able to keep this veil of belief across my heart. If I keep on telling myself there's a good world out there, I won't want to curl up in a hopeless ball and hide from it.

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...I told myself when I got this DA account I wasn't going to bore my Watchers with personal rambles, but here we are. LOL
I needed a rant and now I'm done. Thanks for reading.
The world is a wonderful place. I can't believe anything different.